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| Yay! David and I have been living happily ever after so far! Many more good times between us to come! And yes, this was posted by David, but I thought that Kim's Xanga needed a little update action.
-DJQ
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| i wonder what sean would be like if he was still alive.
he had just begun to flourish.
he could have become a devout christian. He could have helped other troubled teens. He could have told his story about he he overcame depression and helped himself. He could have changed the world.
I started thinking this morning about graduation. Sean would be graduating this year. This is one of the happiest years of my life because i am almost finished with the hardest four years of my life. Sean was the one to teach me how to hate school so i can't even imagine how awesome this would have been for him. I miss hearing his laugh. I miss his humor. I hate that he didn't even get a chance to achieve all of his goals.
i can't stand the flashbacks. The ones from when he died and the month after keep reoccuring lately. i think about it when im at sonic, how my grandparents showed up and waved me down even though i was really busy, just to tell me that he had gotten in a serious accident. It happens when i walk in the doors after i take out an order and i want to collapse into tears on the floor.. just like i did that day. it happens when i see melody, and i remember the way i instantly hugged her when i saw her that day, in front of lindsey's house. I remember sitting in a chair in the living room, and my mom walking in the house after a night of partying and my grandmother telling her, and my mom just fell to my knees and cried, "NO... NO.. it couldn't be, im so sorry" and after that.. it just becomes a melancholy feeling.
I would give anything to have my sister's stregnth, and take her hardest downfall, our father's death, and let it drive her forward. She is extremely successful, and has earned every bit of it. Where as i can't even muster the motivation to clean my room. I'm just some teenager just doing the minimum to graduate, convinced that im going to get married, and my highest goal is to be a manager at sonic. I want to live my life for god. I know that is the answer to all of my problems. ...im lazy.
I wish I could be one of those rich kids. Their parents have watched them the whole time, even if they aren't together. I wish I could even be proud of my mother, but all she does is lay on my grandparents couch and mope. I know everyone has their problems, and that i have gotten it so hard to make me stronger. However, ever since sean's death I have been weak. I am mentally unstable, and i have insecurity issues out the wazoo. I feel terrible for the people close to me, and the people who try to be close to me. I don't really let anyone in, and once they get in im sure they regret it.
I just wish life was easier, but i will strive through. I might not be like my sister, but i can tell you one thing.. i will never be like my mother. I will work as hard as is required to make it through. and hopefully one day i will have saved enough energy up to do something wonderful with all of the wisdom i have obtained.
Thanks for reading. Have a nice day.
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| HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY DAVID JAMES QUINONES!!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! 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I love you David!
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| The reason i havn't updated in a long time is because i have been afraid.
I have been afraid for certain people who read my xanga to see what has been going on in my life.
Also i don't really like that anyone on the internet can read what i do.
so you don't want to be too specific. but at the same time your immediate friends read this, so you don't want to be so vague that they don't get what you're trying to say.
I've decided to try to find a happy medium. To try to find a way to live my life that i can tell people what i do without feeling shame. Yet to not give away every little secret so that nothing would be special.
Since my last post i have almost gotten over sean. i've realized that we weren't healthy. I wasn't healthy. I depended on him for everything. he was my only joy in the world. where as he had several other passions. he even had a much larger circle of friends. After his death, of course my depression began to surface. I supressed it while i was with jason. and when david and i finally started getting closer he counseled me, made me feel confident, and helped me talk about everything. realizing how i felt about everything helped me become in control of my life. Thanks to david's constant comfort, and love, i have grown to accept new things my life such as god. After god saved my life, I went to church camp, and fell head over heals for him. when i returned, i tried to convert david's agnosticism into christianity. and it resulted in us getting in a huge fight. We almost broke up, and as we made up we decided that we were meant to be, and he proposed to me. Ever since that day, in late june, me david and god have all been growing closer and closer together.
I joined drill team at school.. and it also has taught me a lot of valuable life lessons. I have realized some things about myself.
i know that the best way for me to not be depressed is to stay busy. Although it creates stress, i can not be left to my own devices for very long. otherwise i will get down in the dumps.
I know that to bring myself confidence i have to always do the right thing, and strive hard to be the best i can be so that if something does occur, i can always say that i know that i did my best, and i know that it isn't my fault, and i know that im not a terrible person because i make good decisions.
i know that i have someone who loves me, and who will spend the rest of his life with me until death parts us.
i have realized that all the cool people in the world that i idolized are not half as intimidating as i thought they were. and that the reason i can't make friends is because people are intimidated by me. i can't expect everyone to come to me, i have to go out of my shell and work for it. show people that im not stuck up, show them that i want to give them attention, show them that i really think they are cool. maybe it will make them feel good about themselves and make me a friend at the same time.
I am not conceited, but i truely believe that i have come a long long way. and i can actually live life with confidence and pride. i know that i am a good person. and that is a damn good feeling.
Thank you david, and thank you god.
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| - Here In My Room
Hiya!
Kim took her car to the shop for a second time, because apparently her
suspension and struts were in abnormal condition. She should have
either gotten it today, or will be getting it back tomorrow! Cool.
Yesterday, Kim and I got caught by Roth in the hallway, because we were
hugging. The chances of Mrs. Roth walking by were really small, but it
happened, and she saw. Kim and the other Troyanns got chewed out during
practice, but moreso because people were talking smack about the
officers in Troyanns. Good thing.
Today, Kim and I were walking down the hall, after she nearly scared
the bajeezers out of me, and stupid Ms. Stacie (the bitch) escorted her
away from me because she didn't have an ID on. Kim doesn't even go to
Smith! WTFFFF. Anyway, I didn't get to walk Kim to Troyann practice
because of that, and I was sad. =(
Also today, Kim and the other alternate Troyann members didn't get to
join in where they wanted to for the dismissal when band was over. I'm
sure she was upset about that, because Lobster Girl didn't release them
early enough. I got to sit with her until her ride came, though. So,
that was nice.
Right now, she's patiently waiting on me to finish my homework so that
I can finally talk to her. By the way, I'm sure the only reading this
is Kim, so this next sentence is for you. The only reason I'm not doing
my homework right now is because I'm taking a break from it, and you
didn't answer to my IM. I decided to do this with my break time
instead. Resourceful, ain't I?
Anyway, talk to all 2 of you, who actually read this, later.
-DJQ
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